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 Some of this is even true...

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Yojoyochenjo

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PostSubject: Some of this is even true...   Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:15 am

Many years ago, I fatefully fell in love with a lady who is now my ex-wife. I tell you this story, so you may learn from my experience.

My ex and I were in the military when we started dating. Our dating lasted about 3 1/2 years, when we finally decided to get married. She being a girl of moral values, insisted I meet her family before the marriage, and that I ask her father for her hand in marriage. I of course agreed, thinking it a wonderful idea.

We left for the Daytona area of Florida, ready for a nice 2 week vacation of sorts. She also wanted to do some of the preparations for the wedding with her mother. Just to keep the story clear, her parents are no longer married, but live about 2 blocks from each other and remain good friends. Their lack of animosity made all of this go much smoother. What my ex really hadn't talked about before we went though....was her sister.

Now while my ex has a certain charm to her appearance, she is not what you would call "model" material. She's about 5 feet tall and weighs about...well...she's five feet tall. When we got to her mother's house, and this...5' 10", blonde, Amazonian creature walked out wearing a bikini top and daisy dukes...I assumed it was a friend or something. Amazingly, it was her little sister, all of 19 years old. After putting my eyes back into their sockets, I politely introduced myself around to all.

The next few days went by without incident. I got to meet her whole family, including her father, a somewhat gruff and burly fellow, who seemed fair and even at the same time. The peace didn't last long. My ex's sister began showing signs of...well...interest. I noticed her attire getting more and more revealing when she came around me. Furthermore, she began flirting with me on an unprecedented scale when we were alone, and only slightly less in the presence of the rest of the family! I of course, being betrothed, was dutifully ignoring all of this. I made no kind of return on her favors, nor did I speak to her unless needed. I was an oak...

Two days before our leaving, my ex called me from a local store that she had headed out to with my future mother in law. She informed me that they had picked up some pattern samples for various wedding items, and wanted me to peruse them. She asked that I head to her mother's house, and wait there for them. They would be no more than an hour and a half. I assume most of you can see what's coming...

Upon arrival, the door is answered by none other than the little sister. The daisy dukes are apparently on hiatus, as now she has moved to bikini swimsuit only. I guess she was sunbathing in the back yard. Regardless, by this point her flirting has become full on advances. She is no longer even making any pretense of it being playful fun. I stoically rebuff her, and remind her I am to marry her sister soon. She replies "Yes, you will soon be married, and forever chained to one woman for the rest of your life." She got up from the couch and walked to the entrance of the hallway..."and you and I have over an hour to kill" as she looked back at me, and began down the hallway. She disappeared into a bedroom, as I sat in the living room practically beside myself. I remind myself of my commitment to my bride, and remain still. Suddenly, from the hallway, I hear one word. "Hey..." It's almost whispered, in the sultry tone no nineteen year old should know. I turn and look, and all that is visible is her hand, hanging out from behind the wall, holding some recently worn bikini bottoms. She dropped them to the floor. I clenched my fists, and closed my eyes, and made my decision. I got up, and opened the front door heading outside.

On the way to my car, I am greeted by none other than my bride's father, who has a strange smile on his face. He opened his arms and said "Son, you did it...welcome to the family!" I was astonished. Realizing I had been the victim of an elaborate ruse, I returned his embrace, and smiled with him. I realized there was an amazing moral to this whole sequence of events.

Always keep your condoms in your car.

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Yojoyochenjo

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PostSubject: Re: Some of this is even true...   Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:16 am

tl;dr

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Iono

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PostSubject: Re: Some of this is even true...   Fri Jan 02, 2009 1:46 am

Yojoyochenjo wrote:
I was an oak...
I say you were quite the oak indeed sir. (that's a penis joke LOL)

As for the ending good news is you got to see your ex-wife's sister practically naked. Although i don't get what kind of man would pit his younger daughter's fragility and body to pit against testimonials such as you portray. It's a little fucked up.

PS: dude you don't keep condoms in the car? 1 for the hos, 1 for the bros, and 1 for the dos.(idk if that's the way you spell Spanish 2 but fuck spanish it just fits perfectly and sounds better spoken then written.
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Illuminatus

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PostSubject: Re: Some of this is even true...   Fri Jan 02, 2009 7:45 am

you aren't supposed to keep condoms in the car, though, especially during the summer and winter; they're supposed to be kept room temperature, otherwise they'll break
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PostSubject: Re: Some of this is even true...   Fri Jan 02, 2009 8:25 am

also, you should have just done her, and gone out swinging. you're only human.
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Yojoyochenjo

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PostSubject: Re: Some of this is even true...   Fri Jan 02, 2009 9:08 am

All of you obviously have broken sarcasm meters.

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PostSubject: Re: Some of this is even true...   Fri Jan 02, 2009 10:08 am

haha, yes, right. and also, i've never heard that joke before, but with other people in it instead of you.

also.

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Rin

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PostSubject: Re: Some of this is even true...   Fri Jan 02, 2009 1:15 pm

Haha, way better moral here than in little red riding hood or any of those bullshit stories

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